I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
