So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
