I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
