yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I still have a little drunk in my system
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
