Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
