SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
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