dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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