Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
