Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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