I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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