Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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