Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
