then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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