bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
