i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
