Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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