i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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