dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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