Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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