I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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