We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
