im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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