Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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