just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
