I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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