Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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