You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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