So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
