we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
