Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
