you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
