i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
