did you get engaged???
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
