So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
