While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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