So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
