I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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