while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
