i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
