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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
