So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
