Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
