Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
