I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
