i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
