So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
