apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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