He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
