As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
