Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
