in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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