No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
