That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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