She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
