White coat. Heels.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
