thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
